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Submitted on
November 22, 2004
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Murdered by your hate,
only to be reborn in your love.
I'll tear myself apart
for you.

You're the one who left me empty,
and you're the only one who can
fill me again.
I'll tear myself apart for you.

As I hear your voice
after so long,
I can almost pretend this never happened.
I'll tear myself apart for you.

I see the pain you'll bring,
but I'm giving in anyway.
I'll tear myself apart again...
for you.
eh...not good at descriptions
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:iconbellastella88:
BellaStella88 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2004
I'm not trying to nit-pick but you said critique was welcome so....your title. I don't know if it fits. I see the allusion to pain in the poem, but you don't ever talk about ENJOYING the pain. I took it as you DIDN'T enjoy the pain. It's kind of misleading. You don't have to change it, but it's just not fitting to the poem. And it's a great poem. You should do it the justice it deserves. I'm just worried people will look at the title and think, "Oh, God, an EMO poem. BLAH." Because people are bitches and honestly think that people don't use effort to write emo stuff. I respect ANYONE who is going to take a step and go out and submit something to be read. That in itself is deserving of attention. I hate people who judge by titles, and I'm worried that all the "oh-so-unique-and-awesome "noncomformists" of the internet" will come and see that and think they're too cool to read it. Which they aren't! Because it's good!

Done ranting. Great job.
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:iconfading-shadow:
fading-shadow Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2004
you're right. but i chose the title because the speaker of the poem is continually putting herself in a position to be hurt again even though she knows it's going to happen and though she may not enjoy the pain she is still allowing it to occur time and time again. thanks for the criticism.
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:iconinfrunitas:
Infrunitas Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Excellent. I could almost feel the texture of the words like a second heartbeat. My only trouble is your periods, they really cancel out the flow (I catch the sentence/thought change from your capitalization but the periods just make me stop and thicken on those words). Of course, you being the genius you are, probably want this and I am but humbled and in awe by your decision. ^.^


Have a great day, my friend (good seeing you posting again)
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:iconfading-shadow:
fading-shadow Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2004
I'm hardly a genius when it comes to poetry and any constructive criticism you may have is welcome. But thanks for the compliments.
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:iconmistress-macabre:
mistress-macabre Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow... this is... stunning. It's going on my faves.
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:iconfading-shadow:
fading-shadow Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2004
thanks
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